Bring forth thine children one and all!
Call out the old from attic rooms!
Down tools! Hang aprons in the hall!
Fetch all not resting in their tombs!
Don what finery thou might wear!
Abandon, ye, thy work or play!
Bear toothsome treats for all to share!
A witch is doomed to burn today!
Come hear her shriek as flames rise high!
Come watch her plead and start to choke!
See smiling judges thronging nigh
As, through the purifying smoke,
She who made our chickens die,
And rendered kine both dry and sore,
Hath been condemned, so by and by
She’ll burn today and evermore!
Cheer on, ye joyous righteous crowd,
For all the justice this entails!
Play on, ye band, but not too loud
So as to drown her final wails!
Preserve our bandwidth! In each room
By cable, flame and tortured sigh!
Broadcast her gloom with every zoom;
In close-up, fearful tearful eye!
Our pizzas on the couch can be
Modern sacraments preserving
Modern follies, as we see
One who warmed our earth, deserving
Painful death. Or medics sworn,
To some alleged Christ in scores,
To never slay the yet-unborn.
Or those who dared to smoke indoors.
Prince, your powers cannot hide
Our malice ever changing way,
Nor quell our boundless joy inside
The news that witches burn today.
Books on the topic of this essay may be found in The Imaginative Conservative Bookstore.