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UK mediaInternational bad-boy Julian Assange stripped naked, shot pool with pneumatic tarts in Las Vegas and had his photo spread all over the internet; while Britain’s Prince Harry remains locked into London’s Ecuadorian embassy until pneumatic tarts in Sweden promise not to extradite him to America.

Sorry. Let me try that again.

Prince Harry, third in line to the British throne, appeared on the balcony of London’s Ecuadorian Embassy with the equally naked WikiLeaks journalist, Julian Assange, demanding more Swedish floozies.

That isn’t right either. One more try, please.

uk mediaGreat Britain appeared buck-naked this week inciting guffaws over its threat to invade a small part of its own capitol city, London, while the third-in-line to its throne demonstrated what Brits will be wearing next year when the size of their growing national debt becomes fully recognised.

That’s better. Thank you for your patience.

As you can see, Britain’s usual problems with sex scandals and self-humiliation shifted into hyper-drive this week.

Britain’s Prince Harry, who turned up at a fancy-dress party as a Nazi SS-officer some years back, showed remorse by choosing not to wear offending clothing in Las Vegas, indeed wearing no clothes at all. This is a step in the right direction.

The UK media will split into factions over the days ahead. The right-wing press will complain about the naked prince’s chilling effect on British fashion exports, which represent the country’s best, slim chance for economic growth unless Chinamen start drinking a whole lot more single-grain malt. The left-wing media will purse their lips and call for more spending on disturbed youth who grew up in publicly-owned housing, such as Prince Harry. The raucous, nationalistic tabloids will proclaim that Britain’s aristocracy still produces bigger boobs than Las Vegas plastic-surgeons do. In a way they will all be right.

Meanwhile the WikiLeaks progenitor, an Australian citizen, has secured Ecuadorian support so as not to be packed off from England to Sweden where he fears extradition to the US. Go figure.

If extradited to The Land of the Free, his publications would be protected under America’s First Amendment had not everyone in US politics already called for his imprisonment for treason against a country in which he is not a citizen, or extra-judicial assassination which is apparently now the right of everyone if the US Government wants them dead.

Assange, of course, is not under any criminal indictment in Sweden, which claims merely to want him for questioning over having sex with two celebrity gold-diggers; not, one would think, a rare occurrence there.

With one tart he allegedly had a “second try” whilst his formerly-willing partner was asleep, and another wanted him to have a HIV test long after they engaged in whoopee – it’s a case, if ever there was one, of “putting the cart before the whores.”

He offered to be questioned in London but Swedish officials refused. Assange fears extradition to America since Sweden, a decade ago, handed two legal refugees over to the CIA for extensive torture in Egypt. Sweden won’t promise not to do it again, even though Swedes are thought to go for hot-tubs rather than sado-masochism.

This worries Assange, as well being locked in a cell playing non-stop Abba records while he fights extradition to various US prisons or torture centres. That could take some time since America’s recent torture contractors in Egypt are under new management, and old CIA favourites in Syria are now being overthrown by a coalition of US cash and weapons, Gulf Arab allies, and Sunni radical Islamists such as Al Qaeda, suspects of whom America had tortured by the Syrian regime now under assault by US taxpayers.It’s all fairly simple thus far.
Most reporters in Britain and America, whose whole media companies have never had as many new stories as Assange got in only a year, have decided that he is not a hero to journalism and deserves to be wired to the mains electricity. Media hostility to Assange represents an attitudinal shift away from reporters wanting to look like Woodward and Bernstein, toward getting the government sinecures and political access once afforded to, say, Josef Goebbels.

The UK is increasingly relegated to being East Germany to modern America’s USSR. Their pathetic Prime Minister swaggered into Libya in order to have an Iraqi-style “victory” of his own, and that now spreads radical Islam across the region. Now his dead-broke government decided it was cheaper but just as self-aggrandising to invade his own country instead, as his Foreign Office threatened to send the White Man’s Burden storming their way into the Ecuadorian Embassy in London unless they hand over the journalist.

Meanwhile, the Ecuadorians said Assange is welcome to stay in their embassy “for two hundred years if he wants to.” They may have already provided him with Cardinal Mindszenty’s Scrabble board.

Besides Britain belatedly learning that the embassy invasion would be illegal (a nicety unknown to the Kelly Girl contractors apparently running UK foreign policy), most Latin American countries are rallying behind plucky Ecuador, which will soon offer to buy America’s First Amendment if the Yanqui gringos don’t want it anymore and it’s going cheap. Smart money says Obama and Romney would let it go for eight bucks and a Domino’s Pizza discount coupon.

Moreover, formerly-neutral Latino nations are beginning to wonder if the British imperialistas shouldn’t be made to hand over the Falkland Island to their Argentine neighbours. The clever Brits, whom Lord Curzon said “won first prize in the lottery of life,” didn’t see that one coming.

So Britain is having a rethink over turning their Maxim guns on Ecuador’s London embassy. Who’d have thought?

Lest American readers think that only Britain has lost her senses, the conservative on the Republican presidential ticket wants 27 years to balance the budget while spending even more on the US military and launching a variety of new wars.

With less reason, Gulliver moved into a stable to live with horses.

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Published: Aug 27, 2012
Stephen Masty
Stephen Masty (1954-2015) was a Senior Contributor to The Imaginative Conservative. He was a journalist, a development expert, and a speechwriter for three US presidents, British royalty and heads of government in Asia, Africa and the Caribbean. He spent most of his adulthood working in South Asia including Afghanistan, and he was a writer, poet and artist in Kathmandu.
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